Tuesday, March 28
just keep a straight face. - Tuesday, March 28, 2006
music blasting in my ears; save ferris - let me innick; kelly~*
sub-nick; sometimes the more you try to be strong, the harder it is to hold back the tears.`
hai, i was so frustrated last night i ended up crying(how i detest myself for being so pathetic) on my bedroom floor. urgh, the worst part is that daddy came in and i broke down even more. i told him how i was feeling, how mom has been neglecting me, how she no longer seems to care and how i seemed to be so insignificant. daddy says he knows how i feels but he just hangs in there, telling me to tolerate cos everyone's suppose to be ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
but how long to do expect me to tolerate such shit and still keep my studies up?
come on admit it, this family's slowly getting torn apart. my aunt's divorce with that bastard is really getting to all of us. we're not mad at my aunt,mind you. but i know everyone has been affected in their own way.
my daddy told me that he's been feeling the pressure of being for all the court proceedings, helping out with maternal grandparents' place that he has no time with his father. old and withered, my daddy wants to do his job as a son and not neglect his father. he told me he turned to my bro for a listening ear. hai, that only happens when my daddy really feels distressed.
this is when the bribery part comes in. he's gonna get me either an ipod nano or creative zen nenno soon. he jolly well knows that an mp3 player is what i've been wanting for quite a while but he never allowed me to buy it cos he wanted me to learn how to appreciate money more. so now it's pretty confirmed that i'll get one.
i should go YIPEE or something to show that i'm rejoicing to such an action. but i'm really trying hard to feel any sort of geninue happiness.
i'm gonna be eating cornflakes with milk to cheer me up.
ps. i miss christie(there! i put ur name hor!) and jon heng's chitter chatters. jon and i have been trying to talk desperately on the phone since he went into army. but the timing's never right. hai.
pps. i love calgary's new song. that jackass. x)
-kel